Epic Rap Battles of Tyria
Mad King Thorn:
I just flew in from the Underworld,
And boy are my arms tired!
I came here for a rap battle,
But my opponent’s already expired!
Palawa, you’re the only Joko that will never get a laugh
So now let’s play a game, or else you’ll feel my wrath
Mad King Says to /kneel, and /beg, /Beg, /BEG!!!
What’s that? I couldn’t hear you. I’VE GOT A PUMPKIN ON MY HEAD!!!
Oh. What’s this? Well, look what we have here.
Did someone forget that you only get let out one time a year?
Go back to your realm, candy man, because out here, no one’s laughing
And I promise you no sugar coating on the verbal barbs I’M rapping
Get back, hack, I’m going on the attack
Battle with me, and the decks are stacked
I’ll lay you out faster than I razed Elona, that’s why I’m the Scourge
Your court will stop their revelry, they’ll have to write your dirge!
Mad King Thorn:
You need to lighten up, here: this next joke’s just for you
Just look into this mirror, so that you can see it too!
I’m only out for Halloween, one day is all I can take
I couldn’t stomach 364 more if it meant I’d have to see YOUR face!
You can’t borrow money from a dwarf, because they’re always a little short
And I can’t expect a battle from you, because you’ve got no good retorts!
You conquered a little bit of Elona, and then got sealed away
I take over entire cities ‘cross continents, and people celebrate!
When I say “Knock, knock”, there is no choice,
You’d better say “Who’s there?”
Because it’s Mad King Thorn, and you’ve been warned,
That I’ve got you running scared!
You talk pretty tough… for a man with an invisible pony
Nothing brings out vitriol more than learning a dude’s a brony!
My army would literally devour yours, that much is fundamental
The only reason they haven’t yet is I won’t pay for their dental!
You surround yourself with freaks, and a bunch of candy corn men
The only place you could beat me is your land of play pretend!
I’m the stuff of nightmares, I’m terrifying,
Grown men think of me and they break down crying
Your idea of a battle is playing rock, paper, scissors
You bring the kind of woe that can overflow a fissure
Stomping you out is a matter that’s trivial
If it wasn’t for dwarves, you would have no material!